why, god, why???

NOTEWORTHY EVENTS THAT MADE TODAY THE BIGGEST FAIL DAY... POSSIBLY EVER (actual accompanying monologue enclosed in parentheses)

1. Turn off painfully loud cell phone alarm: 7 a.m. Actually wake up: 7: 30 a.m. ("Shit.")

2. Spill Frosted Flakes while hurriedly pouring them into a bowl ("Dahhh!"), spill milk on my skirt while hurriedly stuffing my face ("..Really?"): 8: 07 a.m. Realize I was supposed to leave for the subway station seven minutes ago ("Damn it.")

3. Get my daily Americano from a coffee stand. Spill the burning-hot liquid onto my hand/forearm as I hurriedly walk to work. ("OWWWWWfuckkkkkk!")

4. Arrive at work 5 minutes late but decide that nobody cares. Down three more cups of coffee (black) in a 15-minute time span. Don't have as much luck with my fourth: 1/4 of it somehow ends up on my skirt. ("Shit.") Discover 2 Shout Wipes and 1 Tide-To-Go stick in my purse. Utilize Shout Wipe # 1.

5. Go out to lunch with 7 suits, 6 of them middle-aged and male (1 middle-aged and female). Have the time of my life.. not. Get some kimchi on my Longchamp. Utilize Shout Wipe #2 + Tide-To-Go stick.

6. Spend entire day staring at Korean business contracts/press releases that I'm somehow supposed to decode/translate into English. Get a headache. Put head in hands and let out exasperated sigh/groan just as the company VP walks by. 

7. Get into elevator, look directly at the random man inside (suited business man, kinda familiar-looking, but then again he's Asian) and indifferently look away. As elevator stops on various floors, observe that everyone getting into the elevator practically shits his/her pants and breaks his/her back greeting/bowing (Korean custom) to him. Realize that he's probably someone important, I'm the only one who doesn't know who he is, and that he probably thinks I'm the scum of the earth. Then, observe his face smiling back at me-- on the flat screen inside the elevator, under the words LG CNS CEO. No wonder he looked familiar. Awesome!!!

7. Have dinner in a restaurant. Alone. ("THIS ROCKSSS!!!" Jk. Obviously, silence.) 

8. Spill some bright red soup on my skirt. ("Great.") Utilize Tide-To-Go stick.

9. Spill some kimchi on my skirt. ("... Are you kidding me.") Utilize Tide-To-Go stick.

10. Decide I need some retail therapy. Get happy/calm looking at pretty things. See some really cute flats. Discover I only have $10 left in cash. The flats > $10. Die a little inside. Go home.

Lesson learned: Always carry a Tide-To-Go stick... and multiple Shout Wipes. (I think my poor skirt might have suffered more than I did.) Oh-- and lots of cash, because you never know when you'll need retail therapy.