a letter to an old friend.

Dear Asia,

You've been good to me these past few weeks, you really have. The shopping has been marvelous. The food, superb. And although I've occasionally had to question your intentions, you have (on the whole) been gracious to me, and I do appreciate it. But to be frank, I'm over you, and I would like a separation to commence. Immediately. (In other words: I WANT TO GO HOME!)

XOXO,

Your temporary prisoner 

(But for just one more week!!!)

love me some (asian) gangsta.

Title got you worried/confused? No need to fear, my friends. I haven't sold my soul to T-Pain or traded my flats for Air Force Ones... but Korea has. Sort of.

Apparently, Koreans have discovered their inner gangsta and they're not afraid to show it. Major area of exhibition: K-POP.

Everywhere I go, I'm followed/haunted by Korean pop music, which is blasted all over the place (in stores, restaurants, on the streets, etc.). A substantial number (like, all) of these K-Pop hits exemplify Korea's oddly entertaining love affair with all things hip-hop/gangsta. Three songs in particular will NOT leave me alone. The music videos take the cake. Watch them: I promise you will be entertained.

1. "Fire" by 2Ne1 - Would it be okay if I came back to the states looking like this? Because I'm really, really tempted. 

2. "Lollipop" by Big Bang ft. 2Ne1 - What could POSSIBLY get better than this??? This video wins in so many ways... the neon outfits, the funkilicious glasses, the space-age hairdos... oh, and of course, the song itself.

3. "Diva" by After School -  Love when they break out in rap. Also, love the ridiculously bouncy refrain ("diva!diva!didivadiva!"). Oh, and I almost forgot: their awesome outfits (the best part? I've seen actual people dressed like this on the streets).

Oh my Asian.

desperate times call for desperate measures.

This is what I look like between the hours of 9 and 6.

Except without Pam lovingly gazing at me from behind.

I've never had a real job before, unless you count my 12-hour-a-week job at the library junior year (I barely survived 5 months), or my unofficial but nonetheless lucrative job tutoring grammatically deficient FOB kids ($20/hour will get you through anything), so my internship at LG CNS has been a wake-up call.

A huge, blaring, annoying wake-up call ( like one of these).

Monday through Friday, I find myself in an exhausting battle against a stale office environment (there's not a single family photo or happy color in sight), the mundaneness of my job, and  the sheer monstrosity of the 9-hour work day. All day every day, I'm in the same exact place: sitting in my cubicle, staring at a computer screen, eyelids drooping, headache ensuing. 

I can now say I've experienced what it's like to be stuck in a job that I hate-- and believe me, it's not fun.

So what's a suffering employee like me to do ? Lots of things, actually.

When times (at work) get tough... it's time to take action:

1. If I've learned one thing, it's that it's better not to fight extreme drowsiness. It will only result in you nodding off like a fool, typing unintelligible phrases (e.g. "lkajcorpoarte contsdactld adte"), and reading the same three words (overseas subsidiary management, overseas subsidiary management, overseas subsidiary management) over and over again. Instead, when your eyelids get heavy, slip out to the bathroom, put down the toilet cover, sit on the toilet (it's not that gross- I mean how many people a day do you think sit on the toilet cover?) and take a short nap. Toilet seat nap sessions can be conducted several times a day without anyone noticing (as far as I'm aware).

2. To moderately alleviate intense boredom, it can help to re-do your  hair over and over again. My personal record is 6 hairstyles in a day (a lot can be done with bangs and long hair). Not sure how this will work for the short-haired/bald/male, however.

4. Bring lots and lots of snacks (the crunchier, the better) and eat them constantly. The persistent jaw movement and loud crunching noise will keep you alert. However, be prepared to gain a few pounds ... and lose a few office friends (hey, it's not like I had any in the first place).

5. Stock up on Listerine Pocket Paks/ Mouth Spray. The sinus-clearing, refreshing, tingly sensation is guaranteed to give you a burst of energy just when you need it (they didn't even pay me to write this!). 

why, god, why???

NOTEWORTHY EVENTS THAT MADE TODAY THE BIGGEST FAIL DAY... POSSIBLY EVER (actual accompanying monologue enclosed in parentheses)

1. Turn off painfully loud cell phone alarm: 7 a.m. Actually wake up: 7: 30 a.m. ("Shit.")

2. Spill Frosted Flakes while hurriedly pouring them into a bowl ("Dahhh!"), spill milk on my skirt while hurriedly stuffing my face ("..Really?"): 8: 07 a.m. Realize I was supposed to leave for the subway station seven minutes ago ("Damn it.")

3. Get my daily Americano from a coffee stand. Spill the burning-hot liquid onto my hand/forearm as I hurriedly walk to work. ("OWWWWWfuckkkkkk!")

4. Arrive at work 5 minutes late but decide that nobody cares. Down three more cups of coffee (black) in a 15-minute time span. Don't have as much luck with my fourth: 1/4 of it somehow ends up on my skirt. ("Shit.") Discover 2 Shout Wipes and 1 Tide-To-Go stick in my purse. Utilize Shout Wipe # 1.

5. Go out to lunch with 7 suits, 6 of them middle-aged and male (1 middle-aged and female). Have the time of my life.. not. Get some kimchi on my Longchamp. Utilize Shout Wipe #2 + Tide-To-Go stick.

6. Spend entire day staring at Korean business contracts/press releases that I'm somehow supposed to decode/translate into English. Get a headache. Put head in hands and let out exasperated sigh/groan just as the company VP walks by. 

7. Get into elevator, look directly at the random man inside (suited business man, kinda familiar-looking, but then again he's Asian) and indifferently look away. As elevator stops on various floors, observe that everyone getting into the elevator practically shits his/her pants and breaks his/her back greeting/bowing (Korean custom) to him. Realize that he's probably someone important, I'm the only one who doesn't know who he is, and that he probably thinks I'm the scum of the earth. Then, observe his face smiling back at me-- on the flat screen inside the elevator, under the words LG CNS CEO. No wonder he looked familiar. Awesome!!!

7. Have dinner in a restaurant. Alone. ("THIS ROCKSSS!!!" Jk. Obviously, silence.) 

8. Spill some bright red soup on my skirt. ("Great.") Utilize Tide-To-Go stick.

9. Spill some kimchi on my skirt. ("... Are you kidding me.") Utilize Tide-To-Go stick.

10. Decide I need some retail therapy. Get happy/calm looking at pretty things. See some really cute flats. Discover I only have $10 left in cash. The flats > $10. Die a little inside. Go home.

Lesson learned: Always carry a Tide-To-Go stick... and multiple Shout Wipes. (I think my poor skirt might have suffered more than I did.) Oh-- and lots of cash, because you never know when you'll need retail therapy.