fun facts about seoul.

#1. It is impossible to save money here. 

Everywhere you go, you are constantly bombarded by cute shoes and beautiful clothes... colorful jewelry and sparkly accessories... and lots and lots of shiny things. Vendors, boutiques, and stores line every street... there are even huge, underground shopping malls inside subway stations, for god's sake. Basically, it takes you 10x the time it should actually take to get from Point A to Point B because you just have to make so many stops (yes, you just have to).

 Seoul steals money from innocent, law-abiding people.

#2. Everybody is skinny because getting anywhere via the subway requires so much goddamn effort.

So much walking. So many stairs. So much pain. 

#3. Due to #2, Koreans allow themselves to indulge their sweet tooths/carb cravings (yet somehow still don't gain weight).

Joining the bazillion stores are the bazillion dessert shops/bakeries that fill the streets with the most tempting, delicious aromas (and lovingly call out my name wherever I go). I blame these miniature fatty paradises for my rapidly proliferating love handles.

 They really love their carbs... maybe a little too much.

More fun facts to come...

um...

My parents left for Japan this morning, which means I'm now all alone in Seoul. I've officially moved into my place (a foreigners' dorm at Korea University), unpacked, and organized my room...

Now what?

Oh, how I wish I had friends/a life. That would be nice. 

(This is when you offer to come visit me. I'm living by myself in a double because they ran out of singles, so if you visit, there's a bed here waiting for you. Yes you. COME ON. PLEASE?!??!)

SONG OF THE DAY: "All By Myself" (Jewel)

P.S. If you aren't going to visit me in Seoul but are still hoping to continue our friendship, wait for me to come home to watch Up. I'm dying to see it, but it's not being released in Korea till July...

musical chairs, seoul style.

During rush hour, the Seoul subway becomes a ruthless, unforgiving place. All notions of personal space are vanquished. Social etiquette is thrown out the window. Concern for others is forgotten.

Between the hours of 6 to 9 a.m. and 5 to 7 p.m., subway-goers transform into bloodthirsty savages, running, pushing and shoving their way onto trains-- or packed cans of sardines on wheels.

And when I mean packed, I mean booty-to-booty, face-squashed-into-random-sweaty-stranger's-back packed. If you ever want to... you know... get to know someone (nudge nudge), getting on the subway during rush hour is the way to go.

Not for those scared of intimacy.

Anyways, all that means it's nearly impossible to find an open space to sit down. And with so many people competing for a seat at every stop, the whole seat-finding process becomes a vicious, high-stakes game of strategy, foresight, and skill.

I hereby introduce SUBWAY MUSICAL CHAIRS.

How to play:
1. Immediately upon entering the train, quickly scan the area for an empty seat.
2. If there is an empty seat (psh, yeah right), push/shove people out of your way (dignity? what dignity?) and get your booty in said seat AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. In the inevitable case that there are no empty seats, swiftly navigate to the least crowded area.
2. After arrival at this spot, examine/rank all seated passengers in your vicinity in order of probability of impending disembarkment. Strategically place yourself in front of the ones you think are most likely to get up first.

Tips:
A passenger is not going to get up anytime soon if he/she is:
- watching Pirates of the Caribbean on a handheld device.
- watching a sappy Korean drama on a handheld device.
- reading a newspaper.
- talking/texting on a cell phone.
- listening to music with his/her eyes closed.
- looking around with a blank expression on his/her face.
- snoring and/or drooling.

A passenger is prob going to get up soon (so move in for the kill) if he/she is:
- holding his/her handheld device/cell phone, but not using it.
- holding his/her purse tightly (man-purses are cool here).
- clutching a folded-up newspaper.
- leaning slightly forward with his/her feet firmly planted on the ground.
- frequently checking his/her watch.
- staring determinedly in the general direction of the door... as if visualizing the most efficient exit route.

The game isn't so fun if you lose (standing for a 30-minute subway ride blows), but victory is so, so sweet.

why i'll never work corporate.

So I'm interning at LG CNS (Korea) for a month this summer, and today was my first day. Coincidentally (or not), today was also the day I decided that I will never work in the corporate world.

Those horror stories you always hear about people having to work long hours in drab, isolated cubicles, in drab, desolate workplaces? They're TRUE.

Here's a quick synopsis of how my day went:

7:15 a.m. Wake up full of anger and hatred and frustration (nothing special; this is how I always wake up).
8:15 a.m. Get in a taxi.
8:55 a.m. Realize that traffic sucks in Seoul, and that I'm going to be late for my first day of work.
9:00 a.m. Arrive at LG-- miraculously NOT late.
9:15 a.m. Receive my work laptop and some pamphlets about LG CNS, their manufacturing systems, smart card payment systems, global development centers... yawn. Become acquainted with my drab, dreary cubicle.
9:16 a.m. - 11 a.m. Stare at my laptop/pamphlets. Discover that Facebook and Blogspot are blocked.
11 a.m.-12 p.m. Go out for dim sum (prob the only redeemable hour of the day).
12:01 p.m. - 6:15 p.m. Stare at my laptop/pamphlets. Valiantly attempt to ward off the frequent, overwhelming waves of boredom/sleepiness. Fail. Nod off every two minutes and then freak out that I'm going to be caught sleeping on my first day of work. Try to blend in with my cubicle walls to avoid detection. Curse the bright floral skirt I'm wearing. Stare at the clock. Wonder if I'm stuck in a time warp. Watch the minutes trudge by.
6:15-7:15 p.m. Attempt to take the subway home (which, for the time being, is my parents' hotel). Buy a subway charge card and FAIL at using it (end up having to crawl underneath the gate twice because I can't get my card to work. Go to the help desk and tell them my card is broken. Find out that my card isn't broken; I am.) Get lost 3 different times. Regret wearing heels. Decide that I will never attempt the subway during traffic hour ever again.

Basically, I don't know how I'm going to survive a whole month. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

oh, china. and cabbage patch hair.

Blame my recent absence on the Chinese government. Or don't, so they don't come after me... and force feed me goose feet. Or scorpions on sticks. Or fried starfish. Or pig tongues. (All of which they eat.)

But seriously, as much as I wanted to blog during my stay in China (about their interesting menu entrees and aromatic toilets and the greatness of the Great Wall and such), I haven't been able to access my blog all week, thanks to their censorship-loving, blog-hating government. (They need to stop sippin' the haterade, man... peace and love.)

Sad.

But more about China later. Right now I'm a little preoccupied... considering

1. I'm currently sitting in a hair salon in Korea.
2. I now look like a Cabbage Patch kid, complete with straight-across-the-forehead, blunt-ass bangs. (November of junior year, anyone???) I SWEAR I didn't even ask for them. One minute, I was a regular person (with regular hair). The next minute, I was suddenly a Cabbage Patch kid. This is where my (lack of) Korean skills begin to bite me in the ass...
3. I start working at LG tomorrow. 9 - 6, every day for a month. This should be interesting...

For now, I'm going to go freak out some more about my newfound Cabbage Patch status.

finals? what finals?

Things I did this weekend instead of study for finals:

1. Discover that I can fit comfortably inside a cardboard box.

2. Attempt to scare people on my floor by hiding inside said box, waiting outside their doors, and then popping out at them.

3. Fail to scare a single person by taking part in this activity (but enjoy it immensely nonetheless).

4. Run around forcibly placing said cardboard box on innocent, stressed-out people's heads.

5. Take pictures of Jenny wearing a scarf in as many different ways as possible (as a babushka... as a beard... etc).

6. Dress Jenny up as a hipster.

7. Conduct a photoshoot of Jenny dressed as a hipster.

8. Scavenge through a stranger's refrigerator. 

9. Find enough minced garlic in said refrigerator to feed at least all of China in the aftermath of a global disaster... and then (of course) take pictures with it.

10. Discover that in closed quarters, people tend to flock to the place farthest from where Jenny and I are located. Also, discover that people who do not know me assume that I am permanently intoxicated.

11. Learn that I fail at building pyramids, but excel in the artistic component of pong.

12. Take starry-eyed lover photos with Jenny to rival those of ____ and _____.

13. Escape a potential underwear-sniffing, Level-5 creepster who tried to get me to share his storage space at the A-American Storage facility. ("Oh, I thought you were my son's friend." Right. And I mistook you for Brad Pitt.) 

14. Surprise-attack people with my roommate's Chinese back massage contraption under the pretense of giving them hugs.

15. Consume my last, glorious In-'n-Out meal of the year. (And then experience foodbaby- induced labor pains.)

16. Have a nice long chat with an EVK chef about the significance of churro Sundays and chicken nugget Tuesdays.

17. Take a "Which Sailor Moon Character Are You?" quiz after hearing rave reviews from Jenny and Steph (Venus, if you were wondering).

18. Get back in touch with my piano-playing roots.

19. Run down the halls with Jenny maniacally soaking everyone in sight with a squirt gun ( the one that was hanging from the bathroom door) again.. and again... and again. (Pretty sure it got really old really fast for most involved.)

20. Decide that I may, in fact, miss this place after all.

Because obviously, I had nothing better to do than hide in boxes outside people's doors.

oh, how I love EVK... and the marching band.

I found this brilliant Trojan Vision video about EVK (the dining hall) on Facebook today and felt the need to share it. (If you read my "10 things prospective students should know about USC" post, you should know how I feel about the dire dining situation here at USC.)

Oh, EVK. How I'll miss you next year (not).

P.S. Whoever thought of Primal SCream should be hanged. (In true Trojan fashion, every word containing the adjoined letters "SC" must be exploited to show school spirit.) For you non-USC kids: Primal SCream is a supposed form of exam-week stress alleviation that involves a) the marching band, b) 20-30 minutes of excruciating, unbearable noise every night of finals, and c) lots of inescapable pain and misery. Otherwise known as... DEATH BY MARCHING BAND.

reasons why i will never be a housewife.

1. I fail at cleaning. See picture below.

My mom would be so proud.

2. I fail at washing dishes. My entire stock of kitchenware is piled up on my desk, filled with the ghosts of cereals past. Accordingly, I never have a clean bowl/plate/utensil on hand, which, as it turns out, proves to be extremely inconvenient whenever I experience the desire to eat something (a desire that I experience quite frequently). Nevertheless, it never strikes me to actually wash them.

Sad, neglected bowls. If bowls could clamor, they'd be clamoring for a bath.

3. For the life of me, I cannot figure out the damn laundry machine. You would think that a whole year of doing laundry by myself would have made me into a washing-and-drying-pro, but alas, this is not the case. 

Various ways in which I have failed at laundry this year (just a representative sample):

1st fail (initiating laundry experience back in September): Did an entire load of laundry without help. Proceeded to become euphoric with pride and satisfaction, thinking that I passed the first test of collegiate independence. Soon realized that I forgot detergent. Had to do it all over again with head lowered in shame.

2nd fail: Put detergent into wrong compartment. Poured another cup full of detergent into the right compartment. Panicked that the excess detergent would cause machine to explode. Machine did not explode, but clothes turned out suspiciously smooth and silky (probably because there was leftover detergent all over them).

3rd, 4th, 5th fails: Stuffed too many clothes in the dryer. Had to run the drying machine multiple times to dry entire load.

6th fail (today, 8 months or so after my first fail): Spotted someone's Downy in the laundry room. Decided it must be my lucky day. Poured a generous cup full into the detergent compartment. Soon thereafter, realized that Downy is actually not detergent, but fabric softener.

Good thing housewifery has never been in my plans for the future.

you know the world of academia isn't right for you when...

... all you can think about during a prestigious leadership luncheon/discussion about journalism, communication, and new forms of social media is not the future of the news, or the cultural implications of online media, or possible business models for the journalism industry, but how you would much rather be at home playing Meerca Chase II on Neopets.

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother.

it's a zoo in here. literally.

I've witnessed/experienced so many bizarro things this year that I've learned not to question anything. 

For example: I've had a homeless-looking man sketch me on the LA Metro (see picture below)... a homeless-looking man spit on me on the street... a homeless-looking man compliment me on my nails (verbatim: "I like your sexy black nails, mama")... You get the point.

Call me a sketchball for taking this picture, but I'm pretty sure I wasn't the sketchball in this situation. And that bike? The purple kid's bike with sparkly streamers and 3 different locks attached to it? Yup. That would be his (my portraitist's) bike.

I don't even raise my eyebrows anymore in reaction to the random, weird things that seem to occur with alarming frequency in my life/on campus/in LA... like the gigantic, useless foam parties that materialize at random times in the middle of the Quad (pictured below)... or the strange items I often discover in even stranger places, like the squirt gun I found hanging from the bathroom door several days ago (it's still there; also pictured below).

I actually walked into a clump of bubbles on my way to Spanish.

Someone is apparently stockpiling weapons in the women's bathroom.

But somehow, I was still taken aback when I saw what I saw in the Leavey Library fountain the other day: two frattilicious guys standing knee-deep in the water, playing with a tiny, adorable little pet duckling as if they were a gay couple spending a day in the park with their adopted child. (Let me remind you that USC, which is located in downtown LA, is not exactly vibrant with wildlife.) It might not compete with the sketchball on the LA Metro, but it was by far the cutest "WTF" thing I've seen all year.

Yes, I out-sketchballed myself and took a pic of them. (Blue Shorts is holding the duckling.) I wanted to get another picture of it swimming in the fountain, but people were already starting to look at me questioningly, so I decided against taking more pictures and promptly fled the scene.

Apparently, the New/North dorms (AKA the party dorms, which, like all dorms, outlaw pets, but which are constantly filled with such foul, unidentifiable odors that you could probably hide not only pets, but decomposing bodies, in there) are currently home to the following creatures: the aforementioned duckling, two turtles, a kitten, and a hedgehog.

I mean, I'm all for whimsical, illegal dorm pets, but really? A hedgehog?

Why would anyone even want a hedgehog?

if you ever need to seek sweet, sweet revenge...

Present your victim with a platter of Atomic Chicken Wings from WingStop. Or, if you're the type that derives pleasure from excruciating, tear-inducing pain, eat them yourself.

Deceivingly tasty-looking yet mind-numbingly painful, these little fuckers could probably replace waterboarding as America's go-to form of torture.

After just one bite of these satanic little wings, I was almost in tears. Jenny was forced to submerge her face into a tub of ice cream. And after a few (she's obviously one of those masochistic types I was talking about), Felicia proceeded to make sounds I've never heard her make before (and never knew she was capable of making).

Since I'm a) not white and b) Korean, I'm pretty sure you can trust me on this one. 

obviously, i win at college.

College is supposed to heighten your academic standards and push you to achieve at a level befitting the expectations of higher education, right? Wrong. 

Case in point:

I just finished and turned in a term paper 20 minutes after the deadline- a deadline that was already extended by almost two weeks. Lacking black ink/the time to find someone with black ink, each page of said paper was printed in a different color: purple, red, blue, grey, and faded combinations of all of the above. And on top of all this, since I obviously couldn't print any additional copies, I fixed the typos I found in bright blue gel pen. Can anyone say epic failure?

This atrocity is just the cherry on top of a gigantic, fatty-sized ice cream sundae of term paper-related failures that occurred this week. 

If you'd like some evidence, let's play a fun game called Find The Errors I Discovered In My Term Papers... After Turning Them In. In case you are even more of a pathetic failure than I am, I bolded them to help you out.

1. both had their minds on one goal, the ver same goal that

In Spanish, ver is a word. Sadly, in English, such is not the case.

2. Many of these societal fears and anxieties were expressed in dystopian science fiction films like The Sixth Day (2000). In The 6th Day, Roger Spattiswoode explores

Two different movies, or blatant failure? I'm gonna say... blatant failure.

3. the clones were initially raised in terrible conditions, treated them as sub-human, and

Grammar at its finest. Can you believe I came into college as a Print Journalism major?

4. in response to rapid innovations in medical technologies as genetic engineering and cloning

This is just stupid.

5. Indeed, persuasion s an incredibly important element of human communication

Another important element of human communication? Completing your words. Oh, the irony!

... And these were just the few that I noticed.

Obviously, I spent a lot of time on these papers. 
Obviously, I read them before I turned them in.

Obviously, I take my college education very seriously.